I never even thought to share the stories here until I read a new post to the community that reminded me of it.
It all started with a boat.
On a trip to Havasu AZ, we decided to ride the ferry across the lake to a nearby casino. "Good fun!" We said to each other.
This boat trip was taken by Me, my sister and brother in law and two other couples of friends who were vacationing with us.
It wasn't until I was on this sunset journey across the lake that I realized I was utterly ALONE.
My boyfriend of five years was on a business trip and was unable to make vacation.
SO, there I am. Alone. On the fucking love boat, it seemed. Watching the sun set, couples arm in arm. Depressed.
We arrive at the docks, and I cheer up.
We all head into the casino and order our first drink of the night.
I have a domestic beer and a few of us do a shot of tequila. I LOVE tequila.
Once we're warmed up on drinks, we're off to the races.
A few of us head to the tables, I'd never played the game they were playing, so another few of us head off to the slots.
I like slots.
I sit at a penny machine, and after a few losses I'm up three bucks. Now, three bucks isn't much, but when you're on a penny machine it's good times!
So we play some more, and with playing comes drinking, with drinking comes HEAVIER drinking, and with this comes a night you're embarrassed to recall.
My dear sister manages to win $400.00 on the table she's at. As a kind gesture she hands me 40.00. This makes my nigh empty pocket book very happy.
By this time, I'm pretty dog-on drunk.
I've done several more shots of tequila, finished off the beer of my own as well as the friends who'd come to play slots with me who left early.
By this time, the rest of the group was off tables and were playing slots with me, I'm up five dollars, down ten. Up ten, down one. By this time, I'm learning my machines and cashing out on a drunken dime.
Each time I'm up five, I cash out. *probably not the smartest move, but I left that casino up 60.00*
Stupidity starts at the cashier. I was wandering off to her with my new cash out coupons every five minutes.
Her name, I will never forget, was Gloria.
Somehow, every time I get drunk in public I encounter a woman named Gloria and sing to her. ALWAYS.
Gloria was a nice lady. A fun lady. A cash giving lady, and as a result of this, I made Gloria (G-L-O-R-I-A) my new best friend.
"Gloria, damnitt. You're my SOUL mate!"
"Oh Gloria, you're my dearest friend."
"G-L-O-R-I-A! Lemme buy you a drink! ANYTHING you want!"
That Gloria was a classy chick.
Eventually, and without my knowing it, we were asked to leave Havasu Landing casino (not because of ME, but because of one of our other group members) and head on back to our side of the lake.
This is where I make my drunken debut.
On the top of the ferry, I'm standing right at the front singing the song "Coming to America" with my own words.
"On the boats across the SEAS! We're going to Arizooona! Jo Anne we are FAM-I-LEE. We're going to Arizonnnaa!"
I sang that song for quite a long time. Those are the only words my sister remembered and was able to sing to me.
I was hugging everyone. Giving HI-fives, lighting up cigarettes (even though I don't smoke AND wasn't allowed to smoke on the ferry) and ultimately, sitting alone on a bench. Sobbing. For the entire duration of the ride...
To my recollection, the tears were brought on by the large chest of life vests I walked into. In the morning, I had the biggest bruise I've ever had with a giant slice right down the center of it.
I cussed out the chest, sat on it (Apparently I was trying to DOMINATE aforementioned chest) and cried. Hysterically. About being all alone on the "LOOOOVE BOAT! Exciting and newwww!"
Once back on land, instead of taking me back to the resort, we went to Denny's.
At Denny's, I managed to pass out on the table just long enough to startle the shit out of our waitress by declaring my desire to have "MOONS OVER MY HAMMY!" After this, I continued to scream out "HAMMMYYY!" every time she walked by, OR I thought of her.
I got into an argument with my brother in law about the owner ship of a set of pancakes that arrived at the table without anyone to claim them.
I also ended up vomiting in the bathroom for nearly 20 minutes.
Afterwards and on our way back to the resort, my brother in law lit up a cigarette in the truck.
It hit me again.
"PULL OVER, I'm gonna puke."
"Hoooold on a minute"
"NOPE. Can't wait. Gotta puke NOW!"
The car was still coming to a stop when I swung open the door. Projectile Hammy launched into the bushes at Mach speed.
In the morning, I didn't remember ANY of what had happened on the boat and VERY little of what happened in the Denny's.
I fell asleep in my leopard print dress, face down with no pillows or blankets.
The ride home in the tight extra cab of my brother in laws truck lasted 3 hours. The hangover lasted 2 days.
All in all, it was worth it.
We had a blast, even with the intake and impending output of 12 shots, 4 Crown and Cokes and GOD only KNOWS how many beers...